Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
