Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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