I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
