wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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