How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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