Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
