dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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