every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
