I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.