something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.