I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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