Will you blow on my dice?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
