I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
