apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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