I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
