Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
