That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
