I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
