The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
