The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
