we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
