yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
