i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
