Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize