just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
