I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
