i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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