how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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