kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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