my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
