we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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