The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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