dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
