You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
