i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
