just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
