You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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