My first STD was from a foam party
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
