why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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