dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
