End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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