so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
