I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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