I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize