I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
