he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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