True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
