how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
