Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
