I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
