Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
