I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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