He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize