i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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