Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
