Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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